Don’t Just Do It, Say It

I love what Paul wrote in 1 Thessalonians 5:13-14: Live in peace with each other. And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone. But I especially like the admonishment that Paul gives in 1 Thessalonians 5:15: Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else.

Can you imagine how our lives would change if we incorporated that one Biblical principle into our lives? Think of the families that would be reunited. Think of the friends that would embrace once again. Think of the brothers and sisters who would talk again. Think of the neighbors who would have a relationship again. Think of the energy we would save just by getting rid of our anger and our desire for revenge.

But do you know what that would require? It would require each of us to be willing to give the gift of forgiveness to the individual who hurt us. By the way, I consider forgiveness a gift because you can’t even say, “forgiveness,” without saying the word, “give.” It is the greatest gift that you will ever give to anyone. But for the offending party to experience the joy and peace that comes from experiencing your forgiveness, it will require that you communicate your forgiveness to the person you are forgiving. Now, I realize that the Bible teaches that when we forgive, it’s not for the person that did the offending; forgiveness is for the person that has been offended. In other words, by cancelling the debt, we unshackle ourselves to the hurt and pain of the past so we can move forward with our life in peace. But I also know that the Bible teaches that we’re to forgive as God has forgiven us. Aren’t you glad that God didn’t forgive us just so He could be at peace with Himself? He forgave us so that we can also experience the peace and joy of being forgiven.

Now, I’ll warn you ahead of time that sometimes you will offer the gift of forgiveness but the recipient will refuse to accept it. Part of the reason is that some people just like being miserable. They love the drama. And if that’s the case, don’t worry about it. That’s why Paul wrote in Romans 12:18, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, be at peace with everyone.” Just remember that reconciliation can’t always be the goal when you forgive. Sometimes the relationship won’t be reconciled, but you still do what God commands you to do.

So let me ask you: Who needs to hear from you that you have forgiven them for the hurt and pain they caused you? Who needs to know that you have made the choice to cancel the debt that they created in your life? You have the potential to change the trajectory of someone’s life today. Give the gift. See what God will do.

One more thing: Maybe the person who needs forgiveness is you. Maybe, like me, you have been the offender, not the offended. But what do you do when the person you hurt refuses to forgive you and cancel the debt? Well, you go before God and say, “God, you know that I’m just dust. I’ve failed you by the hurt and pain that I caused this individual, but I lay my wrong before you. And by your grace and mercy, it will never happen again. I claim your forgiveness and peace, and I release the guilt and the shame.” And then after you have left it with God, you move on with your life. That may sound over simplified, but it’s the only way I know to live free from the failures and offenses of the past. The only other alternative is a defeated life.

David understood the importance of this process when he wrote in Psalm 51:7, “...wash me and I will be whiter than snow.” If you haven’t made peace with your past, there is no way you can flourish in your future. The past will continue to come up again and again until you nail it to the cross. You can’t beat a clear conscience and a clean heart.